Best Man
by bionic4ever
Summary: Hide-2; Is Steve really Oscar and Jaime's Best Man, or will he betray the newlyweds when they need him the most? Special thanks to The Bionic Project and, as always, to Julie.
1. Chapter 1

**BEST MAN**

Chapter One

"Colonel Steve Austin, you're under arrest."

Steve stared blankly at the penguin-suited NSB man and his half-dozen equally well-armed cronies. He knew exactly what Parr was talking about but the wedding had only been over for mere minutes. Jaime and Oscar had barely made it out the back exit before the NSB stormed the building. It was time to stall.

"Always a pleasure to see you, Bill, Steve said jovially, breaking into his most charming grin. He extended his hand as if to shake Parr's and feigned shock when a handcuff was snapped onto his wrist. "And I thought we were becoming such good friends," Steve chuckled.

Two agents moved behind Steve and finished securing his hands behind his back. "I advise you not to break them or try to run," Parr told him. "My agents will not hesitate to shoot you."

"So much for friendly," Steve grumbled.

"Friendly?" The NSB's Deputy Director was liid. "You impeded a Federal investigation, gave false information to the NSB and aided and aetted _two_ Federal fugitives! Not to mention - I strongly suspect - assisting their escae _again_ today. 'Friendly' is no longer in the ballpark, Colonel."

"There are no fugitives here, Mr. Parr," Steve said calmly.

"Of course not! You just helped them get away!"

"No - what I mean is that no one is running from you."

"Then where are Sommers and Goldman? Is he her hostage?"

"That's ridiculous!"

"Is it, Austin? I don't think so." Parr turned to the other penguins. "Let's take him back to The Hole. The Colonel and I have some serious talking to do."

Steve shook his head as he was led down the aisle of the chapel. "Jack Hansen will be so proud of you, Bill. You've messed up the facts and twisted the truth almost as well as he does."

- - - - - -

"I can't believe this is really happening," Jaime sighed, leaning contentedly into Oscar's arms. "A few days ago, I thought it was all over - that I was headed for the SB's zoo...or worse."

"Life does have its surprises, _Mrs. Goldman_, her new husband whispered, handing her a glass of champagne.

- - - - - -

"You're in more trouble than you could ever imagine," Parr said, laughing as he peered through the bars of the tiny cell at his prisoner.

"Maybe," Steve answered coolly, "for now." He leaned back on the metal ledge that served as both a chair and a bed with his hands folded casually behind his head. "But you know, this place isn't exactly the best for conversation. I'd probably have a lot more to say upstairs in the comfort of your office."

"Nice try. Now where did Jaime Sommers take Oscar? Is he still alive?"

"You're an idiot," Steve laughed. "Oh - before we do head upstairs, you'd probably want to tell your helpers to pack it in for the night. No point in letting them see you as the bumbling fool you are." When Parr only glared silently at him, Steve turned his back to his interrogator. "No? Then I wanna talk to Jack Hansen."

- - - - - -

Rudy's neighbor in Vancouver met the plane at a small, isolated airstrip. The neighbor's wife had happily stocked the kitchen and made the huge feather bed with brand-new silk sheets and a cozy quilted comforter while her husband piled wood next to the fireplace. He had no idea who the man and woman in his car actually were but he obligingly dropped them off at Rudy's cabin and then made himself scarce, returning to his own cabin to phone his friend with news of a favor completed.

Jaime and Oscar set their luggage just inside the door and found a table set for two with candles and a vase of fresh flowers in the center. Two perfect steaks sat front and center in the refrigerator, awaiting the broiler, next to a tossed green salad, two pre-baked potatoes and a plate of homemade rolls that needed only a few minutes in the oven to warm them.

"It's perfect," Jaime said, beaming. Indeed, the only thing clser to perfection than their wedding night dinner was the silk-and-feather-enhanced dessert that followed.

- - - - - -

"Alright, Austin," Jack Hansen sighed, "here I am. What was so earth-shatteringly important?" He glanced at his Deputy Director. "This had better be good."

Steve grinned. "Nothing urgent, Jack. I just thought you'd like to know what happened to Jaime Sommers and Oscar Goldman - where they were, what happened and where they are now. I'm ready to tell you the whole story."

"Let's go up to my office," Hansen suggested. "But I have to ask: why couldn't you just tell all of this to Parr?"

Steve shrugged. "I don't like him."

- - - - - -


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

At precisely the same moment that Steve was being led upstairs into Jack Hansen's office, Oscar and Jaime were still thoroughly entwined - completely satiated and too content to move.

"This is actually gonna work!" Jaime sighed when they were once again able to speak.

Oscar chuckled. "Was there ever any doubt?"

"I don't mean _us_, Silly! I mean the plan. You think we'll really be able to just be normal again?"

"Define normal," Oscar teased. "As long as Steve can pull this off, we'll all be just fine."

_"Can he?"_

"He _has_ to."

- - - - - -

"Coffee, Colonel Austin?" Hansen offered.

"Please - cream, no sugar."

"You heard him," the NSB Director told Parr. "Take care of it. And black for me." Bill Parr stared at his boss, his jaw dropped in disbelief, and then with a disgruntled 'hrumph' he did as he was told.

"Thank you," Hansen said, receiving his coffee. "You can go, Bill."

"But -"

"I'll call you if I need you. Please wait in your office."

"Always great to see you, Bill," Steve taunted as Parr slammed out of the office. Turning toward Hansen, Steve smiled. "Jack, your agency has spent hundreds of man-hours searching for a pair of so-called fugitives when the truth is that no one was ever on the run at all."

"I know that Miss Sommers resigned from the OSI. And then she and Goldman suddenly disappeared - minutes before our agents arrived to...ah...take her to her new home."

"Well, yes," Steve hedged calmly, "she did leave the OSI, but not for the reasons you've been led to believe. Under the _real_ circumstances, there was no reason to put her away. The true facts got thrown into the ol' NSB blender and pureed into mush. And the person responsible for all the misinformation and the wasted man-hours was...Bill Parr."

- - - - - -

"How 'bout a snack?" Jaime suggested.

Oscar smiled, pulling her in for another kiss. "Be careful; that might just give me another burst of energy."

"I know," Jaime whispered. She rolled out of bed and picked up her robe.

"You look even better without it," Oscar told her.

"I'll be right back," she giggled. She returned a few minutes later with crackers and cheese on a wicker tray - and another bottle of chilled champagne.

Oscar filled their glasses as his new wife snuggled beside him. "Steve must be doing a good job," he said softly. "No one is beating down the door."

Jaime shivered. "Do you think they put him in The Hole?"

"Probably, but we expected that and knowing Steve, he won't be there for long."

"Are you _sure_ no one else saw my resignation letter?"

"Not even Russ or Callahan. It never left my briefcase...until I burned it. As long as the three of us tell the same story, it'll all work out exactly the way we want it to."

"And it really is _almost_ the truth," Jaime reflected. "We just...adjusted the timeline a little bit."

"Babe, it _**is**_ the truth." Oscar moved the snack tray to the bedside table, preferring to nibble on Jaime's earlobe instead.

- - - - - -

Steve grinned smugly, so sure of himself that he leaned back and propped his feet on the edge of Hansen's desk. "It's past dinnertime, Jack. You might wanna order take-out; and get extra - it's gonna be a long night."

- - - - - -

-


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Hansen scowled darkly at Steve and brushed his feet off of the desk as though swatting a fly. "I've already eaten - and you're pushing your luck," the NSB Director growled "I've catered to your whims and so far you've given me a grand total of _nothing_! Don't forget that I could have you in front of a tribunal first thing in the morning!"

"_I_ haven't had dinner yet," Steve said stubbornly, "and food would do wonders for my memory."

"So would a night in The Hole. Where is she, Austin? Why are you covering for her? Did you help her grab Oscar? Maybe the two of you killed him together!"

"Oscar is one of my best friends!"

"And _she_ is your former lover! Maybe you never really split up at all. Maybe -"

"Have you and Bill Parr always been joined at the hip?" Steve shot back, barely holding onto his 'cool'.

_"Where are they?"_

"They're on their honeymoon," Steve said quietly. Hansen's face paled as he was temporarily struck dumb. Steve smiled. "Once you've picked your jaw up off the desk, Jack, a pizza would be great. Pepperoni, sausage and extra cheese."

- - - - - -

Oscar stoked the fire in the fireplace and sat down to take his wife into his arms. This was their honeymoon and the afterglow was magical - but the worry was intense.

"What if they don't believe him?" Jaime asked, shivering again.

"He designed this plan, Babe - it's a damn good one - and Steve's a pro." He pulled Jaime closer. "Try not to worry."

"You're worried too," she noted, tenderly running her fingertips along Oscar's deepening worry lines.

"Only about the effect this is having on you," Oscar responded softly.

"It's all my fault," Jaime said with a quiver in her voice. "I never should've tried to retire or -"

Oscar silenced her with a gentle finger to her lips. "If we're going to lay blame, I'm the one who took you out of the country."

"I'm not complaining; I'd have followed you anywhere. And we're finally together - _really_ together - thanks to Steve."

"He'll be ok too, Babe - you have to believe that."

- - - - - -

Steve got his pizza and decided not to push the envelope by demanding Coke instead of Pepsi. "They were on their way to get married the day Oscar went to Senator Renshaw's office," Steve explained, sinking easily into the agreed-upon story. "Of course, as his wife Jaime couldn't be allowed to continue in the OSI. His intention was to retire her from service and have her reassigned to either the FBI or the NSB."

"Great story, Austin - but rather strange that Oscar didn't tell us that at the time," Hansen observed.

"He never got the chance. Your Deputy Director jumped the gun. Before Oscar could even finish what he was trying to say, Bill Parr was on a witch hunt."

"A witch hunt?" Hansen scoffed.

"He wanted to put Jaime away - _forever_ - when all she did was fall in love. Of course, Parr didn't bother to find that out. Oscar knew the only way the idiot would see reality was if it was right in front of his face, so Oscar picked up Jaime and they headed for the chapel. They were going to return to Parr and Renshaw with the marriage already a done deal."

"But it didn't happen that way," Hansen argued, his arms folded skeptically across his chest.

"Oscar had no idea that Parr's next move would be so...vindictive. Your genius flunky had Jaime's picture plastered on the front page of every newspaper - as a _bank robber_! Jaime and Oscar had no idea; they were a little pre-occupied, getting ready for a wedding." Steve helped himself to another slice of pizza. "But I did see the headlines, the pictures, and I knew I had to -"

"To warn them? Help them make a run for it?"

"Of course not. I knew they had to come back right away, to straighten things out, so I found them and -"

"You found them when the entire NSB couldn't?"

Steve shrugged innocently. "I've been in Intelligence for years. I have my sources. Unfortunately, they saw me coming. They thought I would try and stop the wedding - that I wanted Jaime for myself - so they took off. They were running from me, not from the NSB."

"So you prevented their return to Senator Renshaw's office?"

Steve was stymied; he hadn't seen that one coming. "I guess...indirectly...yes."

Jack Hansen stood, rising instantly to his full height. "Colonel Austin, I strongly adivse you not to say another word until you speak with an attorney."

- - - - - -


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"I don't need an attorney," Steve insisted, forced himself to remain calm - or at least to appear so. "I didn't break any laws and neither did they."

"Alright, then what happened next?" Hansen queried.

"Oscar never thought the NSB would act so rashly. He was sure Parr would wait and actually speak to Jaime before he made a decision..."

"So they fled the country?"

"They only wanted to get married in peace - and maybe have a day or two to honeymoon - before coming in to clear up what they were sure was just a huge misunderstanding."

"Come on, Colonel - it was all over the news!"

"They were on their way to their _wedding_! In that situation, would you have sat down to watch the news or run to the corner to buy a newspaper? Well, maybe _you_ would, but -"

"But they spent several days in Greece and never got married there, either," Hansen reminded him.

"I was half a day behind them, trying to bring them home safely, but they didn't know that. So they were lying low, avoiding me. Yesterday morning I finally caught up to them and when they learned what was really going on, we all flew back immediately."

"They still didn't turn themselves in," Hansen said angrily. "That's where your story falls apart."

"I felt that after everything Parr and the NSB had put them through - unnecessarily, I might add - they deserved a perfect wedding. And a honeymoon. So...I made sure they got that. After they have a week to concentrate solely on relaxing and enjoying each other, they'll be here to straighten everything out," Steve promised.

"Where are they now?" Hansen demanded.

"I can't tell you that."

Jack Hansen frowned. "Then I'm afraid you'll be waiting in The Hole until they return - _if_ they return."

"I could use a few days to catch up on my sleep," Steve retorted. "Do your worst, Jack."

- - - - - -

Sleep never caught up to Steve that night; the tiny metal ledge was only wide enough to support about half of his body. The pizza had been a blessing because there was no such thing as breakfast in the NSB's Hole.

Surprisingly, noon came and went and still no one appeared to interrogate him further. The hallway outside the cell was deathly quiet. Steve's stomach had begun to growl and he found no comfortable position to sit or lie down in but he remained remarkably calm and composed. He'd survived far worse conditions, and his faith in his friends and their plan hadn't wavered.

The sun went down, but Steve didn't see it, since his temporary home was always dank and midnight-dark. Finally, the door at the end of the hall opened and Jack Hansen made his way to the cell door, a sandwich and a carton of milk in his hand.

"Well, Austin," he began, peering through the bars, "got anything to say?"

"Four-star accommodations, Jack. Remind me to book my next vacation here."

Hansen shook his head. "Big mistake, Colonel." He turned on his heels and left, taking Steve's dinner with him. He barely had time to get out the door and back up the stairs when Steve heard a huge, loudly-voiced commotion headed in his direction.

"This is unconscionable!" the loudest (and very familiar) voice thundered. The door at the end of the hall slammed open and this time the entire hallway was flooded with light. "Colonel Austin has no charges against him and hasn't been allowed to see a lawyer! I insist you release him immediately, or the entire NSB won't be able to salvage your reputation - or your job!"

"You're out of line, Goldman," Hansen argued, stepping between Oscar and the cell before Oscar could reach his friend.

"Release him into my custody - NOW - or you'll wish that losing your position was the worst thing that happened to you! I'll see your entire agency destroyed!"

"Give you custody of a co-conspirator? Not a chance!"

"There is no conspiracy!" Oscar shouted. "You are holding this man illegally!" His voice softened. "My wife and I will be happy to clear this up once and for all...as soon as Steve is free."

A compromise was quickly reached, as Oscar knew it would be. The trio was immediately separated and although all three were technically in NSB custody, they were locked in three separate executive offices while statements were taken from Jaime and Oscar. Dinner was ordered and delivered; they were all given VIP (prisoner) treatment.

But...would their story hold?

- - - - - -


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Jaime was first. Oscar and Steve had agreed that her part would be one of complete innocence, and she stuck admirably to the plan. She faced Hansen, Parr and Renshaw with seemingly wide-eyed honesty and an almost eerie sense of calm.

The Senator spoke first. "When did you learn about the APB, Miss Sommers?"

"_Mrs. Goldman_," she corrected. "I found out that the NSB was looking for me when Steve found us at the airport, two days ago."

"Why did you leave the country," Hansen queried, "and whose idea was it?"

"Well..." Jaime said slowly, "we were just about to start down the aisle when I heard Steve outside, asking someone if they'd seen us. I told Oscar, and he pulled me out the side entrance - fast. He thought Steve would try and stop the wedding and when I got a little...um...upset, Oscar suggested we go someplace more out of the way - you know, private - get married there and then fly right back."

Parr scowled. "So rather than San Francisco or Sacramento, you chose...Greece."

"Oscar found a villa where we could spend the night. it was perfect!" she finished with true honeymooner's enthusiasm. "We were gonna get married and fly back the next morning. Except..."

"Except what?" Hansen prompted.

"Steve was only a few hours behind us. We took a side trip to the other end of the island, hoping to lose him and for a little while, we thought we had. We decided to fly to Athens - put a little more distance between us and Steve - have the wedding there and then come home - but Steve stopped us at the airport. I couldn't believe it when I heard about the APB! And then, once we were on the plane, I found out that Mr. Parr had somehow turned me into a _bank robber_! We came right back and finally had the wedding yesterday morning. Today, we decided to cut the honeymoon short so Steve wouldn't have to take the heat when he was only trying to help."

Minutes later, Jaime was allowed to join Steve in the larger office across the hall, where they were both locked in to wait while Oscar was being questioned.

"What're you doing here?" Steve asked softly.

We knew what they'd probably do to you, and we had to come back and end this!"

"Jaime...I'm so sorry you missed out on your honeymoon."

"We'll still have one," she assured him. "Anyway, the wedding night was _delicious._"

- - - - - -

Oscar's version of events meshed perfectly with the others', but while Steve had been cocky and Jaime exuded innocence, Oscar was furious - and it was no act.

"Parr, you had my wife falsely declared a bank robber! What if some cop or even a private citizen had decided to be a hero...and shot her?"

"We needed to bring her in as quickly as possible," Parr hedged defensively.

"So you could put her away!" Oscar thundered. "She didn't do a damn thing wrong!" Oscar turned to glare at Hansen. "That idiot's actions were what caused Steve to set out to try and warn us - he _caused_ this entire incident! His irresponsibility could've cost Jaime her life! Give me one reason why I shouldn't go to the Secretary - or to the President if necessary - and have your agency disbanded!"

"Oscar, you have my most sincere apology," Hansen offered in the most humble voice anyone had ever heard him use. "Bill, clear your things from your office - immediately. I want you out of the building within the hour!"

Senator Renshaw rose to his feet. "Under the circumstances, Oscar, I'd like to offer your wife a full and unconditional retirement - at full salary of course. And Bill, when you've finished here, you will be brought to my office. This isn't over for you."

- - - - - -

As the three co-conspirators stepped outside into sunshine and freedom, their hearts swelled with the knowledge that their goals had finally been realized. Except one - and Steve was about to take care of that.

"Steak and lobster for three tonight!" Jaime exclaimed, beaming. "Steve, we owe you...everything!"

Steve shook his head. "Maybe in a week or two. I believe you both have a honeymoon to get back to."

Oscar grinned and shook his Best Man's hand. "We'll see you in a week, Pal. Plan on it."

Steve watched and waved as his friends drove out of sight, then hummed cheerfully to himself as he got into his car.

_Mission accomplished._

END


End file.
